got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
