i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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