just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
