Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
