Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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