Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My breasts were aching with rage.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
