Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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