All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
