so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
