She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
