Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
