Can Purell be used as lube?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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