I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
