It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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