I wish I could teleport
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
