just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
