Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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