no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
