And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think i got beer on your cat.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
