My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize
