Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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