also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
