hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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