is your mom at the bar?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you didnt know i had herpes?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
