grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
