Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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