He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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