ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
