i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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