So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
