a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
