I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
