i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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