is your mom at the bar?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
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You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
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I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize