handjob tips. give me some.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
