She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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