sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
