I'm laying in your front yard are you home
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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