Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
