I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
