I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
