My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
