Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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