WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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