I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
