I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
