I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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