I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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