HIV tests are more positive than that guy
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize