To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
