sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
