I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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