Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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