NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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