Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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