so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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