I'm so fucking centered right now
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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