4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
