They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
