i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
