There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
