I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
