we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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