this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize