i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I am available for nakedness
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
