Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
