Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
