Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
