I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
