do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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