just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
