why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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