My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
