I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
