If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
