Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize