we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
