i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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