I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
